Friday, April 26, 2013

I know my coffee. Thank you.

The time of the day- one sunny irritating morning on a relatively late-to-work Friday. Yes, I am one those who have a bad face when I reach office, it's not the work; it's the morning. 

The place it was- The Barista outlet across the road where I asked my auto-rickshaw guy to stop, paying him extra 30 bucks! 

The characters involved- The Barista counter attendant (read: BCA) and yours truly, me. 

Me: Hey! Morning! (See, i try to be chirpy despite the PMSing weather) I need a small strong coffee. Do you have anything smaller and stronger than your regular cappuccino or latte?

BCA: Sorry ma'am, we don't serve small coffees. Although, our sizes of cappuccino is suited for one person. 

Me: Yeah i know what size is your Cappuccino or for that matter even the Ethiopian. Tell you what, just give an espresso with a shot of milk on the side.  

BCA: Espresso is plain black coffee ma'am. 

Me: I know but...

BCA (cutting me off): It is also very very strong, ma'am. 

Me: Yes I know, that is why I asked it. Now just give it to me with a dash of milk. 

BCA: Ma'am, espresso comes without milk. M'am, it's plain black coffee. And not many people opt for it.

Me: Yes, it's just...

BCA: Moccachino is a small cup coffee with cream and everyone likes it. It also has caramel.

Me: No! It's 9.30 am! I don't want froth and caramel now.

BCA: Then take Cappuccino ma'am. Espresso is bitter, no one likes it here. 

Me: But I don't want a cappuccino or latte. They are both too much to finish before I reach work and not stronger. Even if I ask you to make it strong, you just don't do it on the other days. 

BCA: Yes ma'am. But strong coffee is very strong. No one likes it. 

Me: Okay, I give up. Please give me an espresso double shot.  

BCA: But ma'am, espresso is very bitter. No one takes that. We have nice sweet coffee for your taste, which you can also take home and make. It is plain black coffee, ma'am.

Me: Now listen you little imbecile. I knew the difference between an espresso and a cappuccino while you were still learning to count twenty. You think you know my taste in coffee because you are there. Don't sell me what sells. What you don't know is I'll be having a pretty frustrating day trying to write articles that please every reviewer. Following that I'll probably evaluate the company's market competitors as if that's the most crucial job of the world just to end up drained out by Six p.m that only alcohol can bring back the twinkle in my eyes. 
So don't push your luck and please connect all those little dots in your brain so that you understand this: Whatever they are paying you to wear your apron, it is not worth getting your face stuffed into a steaming jug of hot milk. If the guys at other Barista outlets can do this, so can you. Just don't sell me something I don't want.  So.  Give.  Me.  A.  Double.  Shot.  Espresso. And I don't care if people don't like it. I know my coffee. Thank You. 

(Of course, I didn't say that. Well not loud anyway. I believe it was something along the lines of "Fiiinee, a cappuccino please" 

I am not a morning person and coffee outlets should have people who should be trained to deal with morning haters. That is why they discovered coffee, for heaven's sake. 


  1. Kidding me. This is not you.. Not even if it's morning ;)

  2. I try to be morning person but when I see the face of any Chennai autorickshaw wallah I feel the day crumble in front of me! Thank God I work from home now and about your coffee... LoL they should have people who manage these outlets not robots !!!


Why I write this ?

so you finally want to know. Well very often I have a writer's block. I am over burdened by my own thoughts. Sometimes i do take the pain of puttin them up, mostly i do not. This is a peek-a-Boo of what i see, what i feel and what i want you to know. Bear with me! Happy reading!