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That dot on my world map

Earthen floors, maybe clay even. Lamplight, flickering but not eerie, casting warm shadows on uneven stone walls, smooth to the touch nevertheless. Inside the room, the lamp makes everything yellow, orange, amber, brown. Its light is bright enough to make the outlines of the objects in the room visible, but not bright enough for individual colours, textures, to be seen clearly. A thin curtain separates this little oasis of light from the rest of the world. Outside, the night hasn't yet surrendered to dawn and the sky and the world shift between shades of blue, as if uncertain whether it's time for light or darkness. There are no trees outside, only bare mountains, rock and stone, but beautiful in a hard way and not inhospitable. Inside, on the cool floor, a cold breeze rippling across the room, I sit cross-legged , covered with some kind of dark, woollen shawl or robe, only my face uncovered as I drink hot, spicy, unfamiliar tea through a small earthen  pot. ...
Recent posts

Those few words

Everybody gets to hear them at some point. Before job interviews and first dates, while writing scholarship essays and before meeting prospective spouses. Just be yourself, darling, they're told. Me; not so much. I get pearls like, "Don't use long words and scare him off", "Don't make fun of anybody", "Maybe you should tone down your bitchy a notch", "Don't be sarcastic and intimidating, you know - don't be all...   you ." A quick survey of my immediate social circle reveals that people think I'm loud, abrasive, sarcastic, cynical, overbearing, domineering, high-maintenance, blunt, semi-attractive (despite all this, apparently), not as cool as I think I am, evil, weird, hard-assed novice feminist. If one colleague is to be believed, barely a woman at all*. An overwhelming majority of people also assure me that I shouldn't worry because I   will  find the right man, all the above points notwithstan...

The Meena Kumari Syndrome

I've been thinking, about nothing in particular however everything in general. The outlook is rather grim, for some reason. I'm not very clear as to what that reason is. I suspect it is because of self indulgence than any concrete malady. So, now I obviously have to over-analyse it. Goodness, this blog must be the most mixed up collection of pap in the world. Maybe not. Let's not be presumptuous this early in the night. I almost never blog in the morning. That's because I'm almost never up. That doesn't mean that I can't, does it? Sorrow, pain, misery.  It has some sort of strange glamour attached to it. The songs that touch us the most are the ones that speak of loss and unrequited emotions. They speak of what could have been. I've heard people talk of migraines as if just the act of suffering a migraine is one of martyrdom that somehow makes them deeper, more intense people. I suffer from it. I used to think it makes me superior to others. Ta...

Fiction, my love

Stop crying now. Don’t be a whiner. She’s gone, she won’t come back. Your tears are no magic elixir of life. I sent her away for good this time. I’m always the one doing the hard things to keep us together. But it’s nice that you need me that way. Let me tell you, love is bandied around too much. The word is stupid. You don’t need to love to say the words. But I did. You remember that schmaltzy song, the one which said ‘Love was when I loved you'. I did love you, enough to know that you needed me. Even when you kept lying to my face. What do you mean by that? Of course this is love. Yes, it’s vengeance too. What makes you think the two are different? Vengeance is just love gone bad. You know how love feels when it changes? Like a light inside you that suddenly turns into an inferno. You’re always burning, keeping it from the world, but smouldering inside. Your heart turns black, but the love/vengeance keeps it alive till it consumes everything around. The weak ones let it destro...

Spring again

I love this time of the year because the air feels like silk over your skin. The wind still retains a little bite and the nights are perfect for long-winded stories, remembrances of a softer time. This time of the year has always been amazing, because there always was a book to be finished in the sweet sun gazing through the curtains, exams to be done away with and meeting friends again. There always was the first smell of mud and then of the spring lilies.  I remember my mother being good with plants. Putting down new roots, adding here, pruning there. Organic fertiliser, and lots of love. Chrysanthemums and snowballs, forget-me-nots and dahlias, gladioli and daisies. Home grown tomatoes and mint leaves, flat beans from the garden in the balcony. Fragrance in spring; sharp and piquant, mellow and soothing. Bursts of color amidst seas of green, celebrating life in the only way that mattered. Life turned brown for so long in between that I stopped looking for spring. The s...

Men have it easy. Women Don't.

Men, I'll say this again: you have it easy. In school, in college, even in offices. Male bullies stand up and practically announce that they're bullies. They shove you on the playground, trip you in front of girls, tell everybody how you got shit-faced and threw up at the last office party. Girl bullies are different. Tina Fey got that bang on in Mean Girls. Girl bullies play mind-games, pretend to be your friends and then, when you've let your guard down, they swoop down and crush your self-esteem with one quick barb. I don't even mind the overtly bitchy type. Like male bullies, they broadcast their pettiness and that can be easily taken care of. She: "Wow, that top is not looking good on you." You: "Funny, your boyfriend didn't seem to think so..." Badambambhish. It's that easy, but the underhanded bitches, them I can't stand. Their bitchiness is disguised. Sometimes as well-meaning concern, perhaps even as jollity or sm...

I know my coffee. Thank you.

The time of the day- one sunny irritating morning on a relatively late-to-work Friday. Yes, I am one those who have a bad face when I reach office, it's not the work; it's the morning.  The place it was- The Barista outlet across the road where I asked my auto-rickshaw guy to stop, paying him extra 30 bucks!  The characters involved- The Barista counter attendant (read: BCA) and yours truly, me.  Me: Hey! Morning! (See, i try to be chirpy despite the PMSing weather) I need a small strong coffee. Do you have anything smaller and stronger than your regular cappuccino or latte? BCA: Sorry ma'am, we don't serve small coffees. Although, our sizes of cappuccino is suited for one person.  Me: Yeah i know what size is your Cappuccino or for that matter even the Ethiopian. Tell you what, just give an espresso with a shot of milk on the side.   BCA: Espresso is plain black c...