Everybody gets to hear them at some
point. Before job interviews and first dates, while writing scholarship essays
and before meeting prospective spouses. Just be yourself, darling, they're told.
Me; not so much.
I get pearls like, "Don't use long words and
scare him off", "Don't make fun of anybody", "Maybe you
should tone down your bitchy a notch", "Don't be sarcastic and
intimidating, you know - don't be all... you."
A quick survey of my immediate social circle
reveals that people think I'm loud, abrasive, sarcastic, cynical,
overbearing, domineering, high-maintenance, blunt, semi-attractive (despite all this, apparently), not as
cool as I think I am, evil, weird, hard-assed novice feminist. If one colleague is
to be believed, barely a woman at all*.
An overwhelming majority of people also assure me
that I shouldn't worry because I will find the right man, all the above points
notwithstanding. I agree, 24 is too early to think of The Man. Try explaining that to my friends waiting to get married. They do not even consider the men I have been with so far. I
take heart in that, as you can imagine. Here's the thing, if so many people are saying
it,then there simply must be a guy out there who is intelligent and charming
and nice. Someone who is actually a closet emotional masochist because he prefers opinionated, sarcastic women who are well-read, high-maintenance and weird.
Yeah, I can believe that. What? You can't?
REALLY??? Shocking. Go to hell.
*He once asked me, "So who would you date in our
office, if, you know, you were a woman?" Rolled eyes and died.
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