Serendipity of Nonsense

Everybody gets to hear them at some point. Before job interviews and first dates, while writing scholarship essays and before meeting prospective spouses. Just be yourself, darling, they're told. Me; not so much. I get pearls like, "Don't use long words and scare him off", "Don't make fun of anybody", "Maybe you should tone down your bitchy a notch", "Don't be sarcastic and intimidating, you know - don't be all...   you ." A quick survey of my immediate social circle reveals that people think I'm loud, abrasive, sarcastic, cynical, overbearing, domineering, high-maintenance, blunt, semi-attractive (despite all this, apparently), not as cool as I think I am, evil, weird, hard-assed novice feminist. If one colleague is to be believed, barely a woman at all*. An overwhelming majority of people also assure me that I shouldn't worry because I   will  find the right man, all the above points notwithstan...

Disclaimer : It is a long post. Very Long. Some where it will feel I am talking to myself, kindly ignore. In our times, the most inaccurate and overused word is a "mutual breakup". I am an expert at this because I've had multiple  mutual breakups, we are friends now because I initiated those.  Save it sweethearts, there is nothing like one. There is nothing mutual about a breakup. You can go through the dusty, never touched archives in the history of relationships and see for yourself; never have two people realise  spontaneously that they want to call it off and expressed it at the exact same moment. Never. It's always one person suggests it and then the other one, seldom with a smile, often with a simple shrug, other times with a lot of drama and more often with a lot of waterworks, accepts the suggestion. Some don't, well then you can't even call it a breakup, can you? There are times of course; when one person suggests breaking up, the ot...

He’d hoped for a perfect day Of dirty shoes and a long walk While she had made plans To drink coffee and talk He sat behind the curtain Altered by the sugar Took questions one by one Without a perfect answer He almost never had one She whimpered on Walking about restlessly Without any footwear on He had nothing to ask But the one that made her shudder It wasn’t her love for dogs But why she sang in the shower

To the guy who gave me Nickleback's "Figured You Out" because he thought it'd help me cope with a broken heart (it did) To the guy who introduced me to Terry Pratchett, saw bad student films, ate good student desserts and watched fireworks with me on Marine Drive to help me get over another guy To the guy who convinced me to apply for the Rhodes' scholarship, who put the worm of book-writing in my head and who didn't mind that I was crazy. To the guy who loved smelling my hair, who cooked for me and didn't mind that I cried on our second date To the guy who gave me what I asked for, when I needed it the most To the guy who liked me but doesn't mind staying friends To the guy who calls and talks nonsense and doesn't expect me to do the same To the guy who flirts and compliments and lifts my mood and my ego on a daily basis To the guy who thinks I should stay sarcastic and not give a fuck about what others think To the guy who pursu...

I confess I am not a man hater. I surely am not; and I have references to prove that. But, I am jealous of men.  I surely am. Of the many things for which I'm jealous of men ( lack of fear of cellulite, capacity for alcohol, ability to travel anywhere anyhow, guaranteed orgasms, license for immaturity, capacity to burp anywhere and so on) the one that gets my goat vote is the way they handle their friendships.  It doesn’t take much for two guys to be friends. A beer, a shared passion for a game or loyalty to a particular team, similar music tastes, whatever. For men, a friend could be the guy they drink with, smoke with, bitch about women with, watch a game with, play a game with, do lame-ass shit with, and even borrow shit from.   Piggy once told me while returning from I-Rock one evening, her guy friend had stopped a random stranger smoking a joint and asked for a drag. And eventually got one. With the directions on where he could score good s...

   Yes! apart from my last post I have not been writing. Because I have been thinking. It is a very very nasty habit I picked up recently while working on the college magazine.        I being perversely introspective, do not use my grey matter to ponder over the Big Bang theory or the origins of The God Particle. Instead, I spend my time thinking about what would I do after two months. I have to leave this tinsel town. Leave all the friends I have here. I can crib about this tinsel town, but it has grown into me. Well the other day, over cups of countless expresso shots and cappucinos, my friend and fellow left-hander, whom I shall call Dilbert, told me one basic thing about men, "We are all commitment-phobes when you think it's actual LOVE." Well, he said that pretty casually and in turn his girl actually hit him with her new, new clutch. I pity that piece of stitched cloth and sequins.. "Unless the girl pushes us, we'd be perfectly happy ...

What would have happened if I had not met you? I would not have lied about things that did not happen. I wouldn't have to think how I could be better than the ex. I would not have wished for more. Not having the feeling of being deprived of the love I deserve. Not ignoring my friends for someone like you. No feeling humiliated when I was told I was regretted. No breaking of hearts. No waiting for call every single night. No talking of my male friends under hushed wooden ceiling. No thoughts about I am wrong but I still have to go on. No falling in love every moment I saw you. No tear stains on the pillow. No craving for sound sleep. What did happen when I actually met you? The only point I remember now is the pain . Never again. "If anyone who happen to glance through or just stumble upon accidentally on this blog, please do leave a comment and make my day."

An ode. Because they deserve much more. There are wonderful people in this world. And you are quite lucky if they are around. They are God's apology for not making better relatives. I am lucky enough to have them around. I have such wonderful and sometimes pain-in-the-neck friends.  Because they tell the ex-boyfriends - Dude, stop messing up. She is way over you by now. (even if the break up happened last night) Because they tell the present one- Better watch out. One mistake; your ass our whip. No goofing around. Because when they turn to you they say- Chic, stop whining over him. Get up. Get a life. They send you birthday cards when your birthday is 5 months away.  They send bunch of roses anonymously to your hostel just to make you secretly happy. That unfortunately are thrown away anyways. No worries. They drive all the way down to the laundry to pick the outfit you wish to wear for the date tonight. They threaten to unsubscribe from...